If You're Happy and You Know It...

I had a life first this week. I applied, interviewed, accepted, started and quit a job in less than one week. I know what you are thinking: "this girl finally gets a job and then quits?" Here was the problem: false advertising. After weeks of perusing Craig's List job vacancies I found one that seemed suitable for me, Gymboree Teacher (Development classes for babies to five year olds). However, what initially seemed to be a teacher role very quickly turned into an entertaining clown role. I should have known from the beginning that this was NOT what signed up for, but I was too blinded by the possibility of work and an income. After two days of training and feedback such as "You are too laid back" or "Try and be more peppy" or "You should be clapping practically the whole time, Maggie" I started to come to the realization that no amount of hourly wage(well, that may not be entirely true) was worth the downhill slope at the bottom of which no dignity would be left. Dramatic, you think? No. I was at the mercy of 2 year olds telling me with their eyes (and the eyes of their unsympathetic parents) to "jump, clown, jump". After a formal resignation I promptly received an email from the director that hired me as a form of "consolation". Basically trying to assure me that there is nothing wrong with me but that it does take a person with very special skills to fulfill such a duty...and in the end she said "she's not surprised". Gee, thanks, am I that transparent? Were my clown inabilities really that obvious? Can I really not even convincingly fake acting as a total goof in front of gawking children and their parents. Well, that's another ridiculous career option I can check off my list, only about 232 more until I have narrowed the list down to the golden few...
P.S. When singing "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands", just clap, seriously, always clap, or the wrath of a stay at home mom will come upon you and your firstborn.

Samantha Brown, you are such a tease.

I am beginning to believe that the sole purpose of all of Samantha Brown's charming shows is to rub in that "You, Maggie, will never have a job like mine". Deliberately or indeliberately, Samantha Brown has a way of putting my life in rather harsh perspective. She has met and continues to meet Hawaii, Latin America, Europe and great American weekend getaways. What have I done today? Do you really want me to waste your time? I guess in a way, I have seen those places as well, seeing as I am a faithful viewer/admirer. Why? Is it because she is charming and personable (which she is, by the way)? Or perhaps because I have a pretty impressive ability to live vicariously through people I admire, and I need material? I daydream more than probably anyone I know, the problem, however, is I have a difficult time coming back to my reality: the basement. I find myself completely far too involved in these complex faux realities in my mind. Honestly, though, you would daydream about visiting the Inca ruins of Machu Picchu at daybreak with no one around, a tour of Gothic cathedrals throughout Europe or a one-on-one lunch with Mexico's scariest Lucha Libre fighter(who turned out to be a big teddy bear in the end).
I was rejected to yet another job yesterday. It's okay. At this point I have become reasonably familiar with rejection (especially in a professional sense). What is most disheartening about this particular rejection is that unlike all the other jobs that I was not experienced enough for, Enterprise was actually looking for a candidate with little to no experience so that it could mold the lucky winner into the corporate Enterprise robot it loves and trusts. I, to Enterprise, apparently do not fulfill the "image" they are looking for. That's okay, on to the next.
In the end, I have faith that I will find something right for me. All the rejection letters, or lack thereof, are all just working together(stars aligning, perhaps) in order to find the place that is right for me. As for me, as for right now, Bourdain is calling to me, he wants me to check out mesmerizing New Jersey.

Don't Mess With Marlow

So the other day I go "job-hunting". Basically this involves driving/walking around from shop to shop hunting for "Now Hiring" signs or the occasional blatant(and intimidating because no one enjoys being publicly rejected) question of whether they are hiring and/or should you leave your resume "just in case". The consistent response to whether they were hiring was no and the common response to whether they would like to hold on to my resume "just in case" was a very indifferent and absolutely unconvincing "okay". If anyone is searching for a humbling experience spend a day going around to shops and cafes you NEVER go to in order to ask them for a job that they do not want you for. The icing on the bitter cake of my day was the last place at which I planned to drop off my resume for the day. It was a hotel cafe. Attached to the hotel was a bar and restaurant (not sophisticated by any means) in which I was supposed to wait while waiting for the manager to see me. I sat, about half an hour actually. The manager didn't come to speak with me, instead I sat in a booth dazed and confused by the bizarre scene in front of me. In a matter of about ten minutes a chef, a "resume builder for temp agencies" turned bartender and a server managed to reduce my dignity, confidence and self-respect to mere dust. All three vital restaurant employees ganged up on me and went to town. The chef after reading my resume looked at me and said, "Wow, I bet your parents aren't disappointed in you", I was speechless. Then he went on to criticize my resume and compared it to (since I'm a girl, he said, he'll put it in terms I would understand) going on a date and needing to "sell" myself, for instance wearing a short skirt, low cut shirt and a lot of make-up. Still, speechless. He also said that if he were one of the employers I sent my resume to that he wouldn't call me back either. THEN, the bartender approaches, reads my resume and is pretty much disgusted. She shows me the proper way to create a resume for professional jobs. Wow, she's so talented, she had that bar tending job in the bag... At this point, I get it, I know my resume is bad, thank you Marlow's Tavern for making that clear to me. Let us not forget to pay proper tribute to the server. He called my resume "ghetto-rigged". At this point I was so humiliated, shocked and confused that I just did not have anything left in me to stay. So after a half hour of verbal abuse from the restaurant staff, I left. There is nothing like being humiliated and insulted in public by a restaurant's staff to put your life in perspective. The best part about this experience was that I was not even applying to work in that restaurant. If that doesn't make you feel good about your employment status, I don't even know what to tell you; needless to say, not the best way to spend a Monday afternoon.